I’m missing a gear, has anyone seen it?
I ventured out to the RMR Crit again on Tuesday and, again, got beaten soundly.
For some reason, I just seem to have an inability to dip into the reserve and actually TRY. I hang around for a bunch of laps, see the group stretch out in front of me and I just don’t react and force myself into the group. I pick it up a little, tell myself I’m getting dropped and I really should be able to hang with them, then I sit back and watch the gap grow without really trying — I mean really trying — to find a wheel and stick on it.
Then I finish the race, almost always way off the back, and wonder why I couldn’t dig a little deeper and make a real effort. I always have something left in the tank. I always feel guilty for not pushing myself harder.
Am I just soft? Do I lack that internal competitive gene that forces you to dive headfirst into the proverbial pain cave and find a few more watts or one mile per hour of extra speed? Am I afraid of a tight pack — even though there is rarely a tight pack in the C Flight? Am I afraid of crashing? Or making someone else crash?
Am I afraid of failure? So afraid of failure that I avoid it by subconsciously not truly trying?
A road race or a crit is different than a time trial. A time trial — which I have all of one under my belt — is just me, the bike and the clock. Nothing to worry about, compare myself to or struggle to keep pace with until I finish at look at the time. But racing with other people — and this goes all the way back to my high school days on the cross country and track teams — seems to bring out the pacifist in me. Put me in a pack of people who want to beat me and I just let them like it’s no big deal. After all, I’m not supposed to be good, right? I’m just out there having fun, right?
But I have to admit, it’s a lot more fun to get beat while trying than to get beat knowing you didn’t truly try.
I think I have the physical gears to go. I know I lack the experience that will come with more starts. But where is that mental gear?
Do I just have to find it one time before I know where it is, how to get to it and when to use it?
Will I ever be confident in a race?
I’m the same way when it comes to responding to others. Maybe that’s why I favor climbing and solo breaks.
Facelessghost
April 9, 2008 at 7:40 am
And the only way to build that confidence is to keep doing what you’re doing–race, race, and race some more.
Facelessghost
April 9, 2008 at 8:09 am
I’ve had many of those same thoughts. I like to challenge myself to stay with the pack, or not let my speed drop below XX, or catch that rider up ahead, or just finish the race. But I don’t set out to win the race at all cost – and maybe that’s the problem. Then again goals and expectations need to be realistic. It’s a tricky balance, and I don’t have enough experience to know where my balance point is so I often finish with questions and doubts.
I do have a good feel for mountain bike racing because I’ve done a bunch of races. But I was very uncertain at first. I learned new things each race. Now I know myself pretty well when it comes to MTB racing. I know how hard I can push a climb, that I have a limit to how fast I go downhill (comfort level), what technical stuff I can/can’t do, etc. I do push these limits, but only so far. Some of this applied to the crit, but a lot was new. I imagine the same process will happen if I raced more crits.
For my first crit last week, my goal was to stay with the lead pack. I knew I might not be able to do it, but I’d try. It seemed to me there were constantly “opportunities” to get dropped, and it only takes one. I had to stay very attentive and fight off each “opportunity” to stay with the pack. A few times I almost got dropped as I let a gap open up and I had to push hard to close it. The pack was very dynamic and I was always acting and reacting – really have to keep your head in the game. It didn’t take long for my brain to get tired from the high alertness and constant decision-making, and my body was tired of the effort – I’m not sure how I kept it together and hung in there. Stubbornness? Ego? Newbie excitement? I’m interested to see if I can stay with the lead pack again next crit, and what new things I’ll learn.
OK, that was long, but let me hazard some advice: fight harder for the little things that keep you with the pack (better to go all out trying to keep up than to just drift off the back), and know that you are learning new things each crit that will help you do better next time.
KanyonKris
April 9, 2008 at 8:40 am
My advice, and this is what kept me in the game on Saturday: Ride at the front. Pick a rider who always does well and stick on his wheel. On Saturday I knew that Reed and Kevin (1st and 2nd) would be strong so I stuck to them in the dirt on the first 2 laps. If you look at the pics on Zazoosh you’ll see I exited the dirt on the first lap in 3rd position – right behind Reed and Kevin. They were trying to break things up and it made a huge difference to be on their wheels as opposed to yo-yoing back in the pack.
And follow Piotr’s advice to downshift going into the turns. I did that too on Saturday – often downshifting 2 gears in advance of the turn – and it made a huge difference in keeping my legs fresh.
Oh, and you need to do intervals in your training!
UtRider
April 9, 2008 at 8:52 am
no turns to worry about last night. Just round and round the oval.
As far finding a lead wheel and holding onto it? I’m going to have to try that some day . . . maybe when I get over the fear of crashing and injuring myself and a dozen other people.
This will be an interesting weekend. I’ll do the road race Saturday a.m. and then the TT in the afternoon. I’m just hoping to find that inner willpower to punish myself.
In the meantime, they’ve decided to hold another TT this week at Saltair and I think I’ll give it a shot.
je
April 9, 2008 at 8:57 am
Wow! I couldn’t have written it better! I’ve struggled with those same thoughts and feeling for a long time. During the race I feel like I’m pushing hard and don’t want to give any more, but after the race I look back and know that I could have gone harder. Why does it always have to come as an afterthought? When you figure it all out, please let me know.
Rio's Rider
April 9, 2008 at 10:59 am
I must say that I’m somewhat the opposite way. I’ll push myself too hard and pay the price. I usually have no problem responding to attacks, bridging, etc., but I suspect that it may be genetic (good anaerobic capacity/lactate tolerance).
I think the best you can do is time trials. Whether official or during training. Take baby steps to try to push yourself a bit harder up a hill or a favorite stretch of road to set a new PB. When I first started out I thrived on new PB’s. I wanted to set one during every training ride. Of course I wouldn’t recommend it now. I rarely attempt them anymore as my training focus has shifted to long term gains.
piotrek
April 9, 2008 at 2:19 pm
hmmmm…. I do think about stuff like this… and I even finished first on this day, in this race..
maybe I am on the opposite end of the spectrum, even though it was my first race back on bike in many years (4 to be exact), I’ve got about 500 races in my past.. I was a pretty addicted bike racer for about a decade..
but I do think about all this stuff too… but I will say that all the choices you talk about, are automatic in my brain at this point..
even after the long layoff I’ve had, what wheels, what flow in the pack was fastest, when should I move up or deliberately lose a few spots in line, what moves looked dangerous (and I picked the right one to go with about 5 laps from the end) it’s just experience.
I’ve had my heart broken getting dropped so many times (at almost 195lbs, I get dropped on most hills) & so I turn myself inside out to make sure I stay in the part of the pack I need to be in…
Now that said, no matter how much experience or determination I might have, I’ll never have the lungs to race with the truly fast…
and as for the pain cave, I was pretty deep at the end, but I can’t really tell you how deep, it was just another sensation that I was blocking out, In the last 5 laps I was just thinking about the line I was riding, what gear choice am I getting the best speed from, when should I jump, what lap am I on? I was intently aware of how the other guys off the front with me were moving, and when I saw them struggling & losing speed, I went…
Pain? lots of it, but also there was no pain.. it’s like do you notice the wind roar when riding, are you wet when swimming? it’s there, sure.. but I am busy with other stuff…
but after the race, I could not have pedaled another 200 meters at that speed, I was cooked,
I would not have been able to finish the workout you blogged about today, not a chance…… I did ride today, kept it very aerobic, & just took a nice walk with my dog, and I am still sore…
Pain, now, yeah, absolutely.. at the time, not so much…
andrew
April 9, 2008 at 9:18 pm
Well, one thing you have going for you — aside from the sweet glasses
— is a pair of tree trunks for quads.
The power you and Boudie can generate is incredible.
And you have experience.
But I honestly think sometimes I am just missing that inner switch that makes me ignore suffering — or better yet, makes me want to suffer to get a better output.
It’s temporary and only a 30 minute race. Still, I have yet to roll across the finish line thinking I gave it a true effort.
Maybe I need to visit a shrink.
je
April 10, 2008 at 9:39 am
Je,
well, this is where visualization comes in… find what you think that weakness is, and picture, over and over, before the race.. during warm up… picture yourself doing what you want to do..
maybe what you want to picture is effortlessly closing gaps with a super high, joyous power output (focus on what you NEED to do, & attach positive vibes to it)..
after I saw that course, during my 10 minutes to ride it before the race started, I mentally practiced, about 3 or 4 times, a long sprint, from about 400m out, on the high side of the banking, on the outside of the pack, and then diving down towards the finish line..
and then I physically did that twice, at about 80% effort, before the race was called to the line, so I knew what it would look like…
now the race did not turn out that way… but I had rehersed what I thought I would need to do in the bunch sprint… so if that moment had come, it would have just been automatic… I do this every damm time I race..
Just follow my fat ass next Tuesday… my big legs fill up with lactic acid awful quick, and give a great draft..
andrew
April 10, 2008 at 6:23 pm